Sarcasm, how I've missed you

After more than three years of living in Calgary, Alberta (aka. the Conservative epicentre of Canada), I have made the decision to move back to my adoptive home town of Ottawa. While I am very happy to be moving, I can't say I hate Calgary or anything, I just know this isn't the city I want to call home for much longer.

It's odd, but what I miss most about the east is sarcasm. Yes, sarcasm. If you don't believe me, take a trip to Calgary and find out for yourselves, but on average Calgarians don't grasp sarcasm. The number of blank stares I've received since being here only because sarcasm is foreign to this city is astounding.

I, admittedly, am a big fan of sarcasm. In fact, it's a big part of me - I'm a naturally sarcastic person. The ability to pull off a dry, sarcastic joke is a thing of beauty and something I took to a long time ago. Imagine how difficult it has been throwing out hilarious comments and responses only to get looks of confusion and frustration in return. I'm not the funniest person in the world, but sarcasm I'm more than comfortable with.

Now I am all self concious. In Ontario (Ottawa specifically), people may not always like sarcasm, but they tend to get it the majority of the time. In Calgary sarcasm goes over peoples' heads like the Westjet planes that call the city home. I'm officially challenged. My sarcastic skills are rusty; having lived in Calgary I've been dealing with sarcasm amateurs at best. Going back to Ottawa I am going to be interacting with some of the more sarcastic and cynical people in the country - it is a government town after all.

I've been trying to break out my sarcastic quips more and more lately, in hopes of being prepared for my arrival in O-Town. But, even with a little practice, I won't know how far down on the sarcasm totem I've fallen until I arrive in the belly of the sarcastic beast that is Ottawa. I feel like an elite athlete coming back from an injury - I've prepared as much as I can, and now it's the moment of truth.

Place your bets, will I arrive with my sarcastic remarks a-blazing, or will my former glory of being a sarcastic media whore be mere memories?

Check the 10 O'Clock news June 1st for an update.

Education: A luxury few can afford

It must be nice. It must be an absolute joy for know-it-alls to sit back, watch the Quebec protests on TV and come up with a judgement of, "real students wouldn't protest like that." OR "Why are we negotiating with students?" The ability to judge a situation, make a comment or two, then go about your merry way is a hell of a pass time.

Too bad we live in reality. I don't know what college and university cost on average in the '50s, '60s, '70s and '80s, but I have news for everyone who forgot they were once students too: Education is expensive. Period.

Does Quebec have the lowest tuition rates in Canada? Yes. Does that mean their tuition is cheap? No. And to raise tuition anywhere, whether it be Quebec, Ontario, Alberta or anywhere else is simply a bad idea. In Canada we want educated, advanced, hard working individuals to fill our work force. But that is not going to happen if tuition and other costs that come with higher education keep going up.

On CBC Radio's Cross Country Check up  about a week ago there was a father preaching about how he only makes $25,000 a year and his daughter worked incredibly hard to get bursaries and sacrificed time with friends and the other things that come with life in order to work a lot and have enough to make it to university. I have to say, this young woman did something not a lot of people can do. Good on her! But, is this what young people are going to have to do going forward? Are young adults going to have to increasingly work longer hours and sacrifice having any form of fun or experiences in order to pay their way into higher education?

What about people who simply are not gifted and need to take extra time to study to comprehend their school work. What then? Do they do their school work, or go to their part-time job? Is it going to be a toss up between being able to afford an education and actually having the marks to get into university?

I don't mean this as an offence to middle-aged and older individuals reading this, but you don't have a clue. I don't have a clue what it was like for you to grow up, go to school, get a job etc. And you, likely, don't have a clue what it is like to be a 17-year-old Canadian of average level intelligence working a part-time job (or two), while still waking up early to get to class and have decent-enough grades to get into college or university. Hell, I can't say I have too much of a clue and I have only been out of college for six years. Things change that quickly.

Tuition was an issue when I was in school - I even protested tuition hikes. Does that make me a bad person? Of course not. Protesting is a legal right. If protests and free-speech didn't exist, this would be a very different country. Now, in Quebec there has been a good amount of violence, which is useless on both sides. But, if you wonks think you can watch a news report and lump all the protesters together, then you are naive.

Just like any movement, there are a lot of different people with a lot of different agendas. Giving the violence any sort of legitimacy simply blurs the reason for the protest to begin with: education is a right and no one should have to do without because they cannot afford it. The violence from certain factions of protesters and on the other end, the police/gov't, is just a distraction from what really matters.

Now, go watch your newscast and yell at the screen about how "wrong" the student protests are. Just do me a favour, when your own kids or grand kids can't afford to get a post-secondary education or have to work 40 hours a week while also attending classes to pay for this awesome education, please give me a call - I will relish saying, "I told you so."

Racism is still a thing, apparently.

It is the greatest time of the year - the NHL playoffs. My team isn't even in the "second season" and I'm still excited for the goals, hits, dekes, hits, sweet passes, hits and everything else that makes up the greatest sport the world has ever known (no bias there at all).

Even during the playoffs, idiots tend to get the spotlight. In this case we are talking about racist idiots. Joel Ward scored the winning goal - in overtime no less - to push the Washington Capitals past the reigning Stanley Cup Champion Boston Bruins.

From my understanding, immediately after the win people took to Twitter and other forms of social media to give their opinions on the game. A few people decided it was the best course of action to make racial slurs and comments direct at Joel Ward.

All I have to say is - good job. You have proven to be that idiots exist on this earth. I was under the assumption that every time I see an idiot do something idiotic, it's just me being too judgemental, or maybe it is me who is having a bad day. Thank you for showing me the error of my ways. I am here to tell you, in case you didn't know, there are idiots on this planet and they tend to have big mouths but no balls.

I am all for opinions - they are what makes the world go 'round. The thing is, though, opinions should have logical back up. I was arguing with a local radio host this week (not a race related conversation), because he claimed it is OK to have opinions without justification then blather those opinions on the air. In this case, at least the person in question had an identity, and as much as I disagree with said radio personality, he at least took the feedback.

In the case of Twitter, these gutless wonders are hiding behind anonymity. How about you make your comments in public if you feel so strongly about them? It has nothing to do with the fact you'd be scared out of your undies if you ever made racist comments in public. Why are your theories on human evolution not being written about in science textbooks and thesis papers? Because they are dumb and illogical.

It's the year 2012. Can someone tell me why something so fucking trivial and arbitrary as skin colour is still a social issue? It's like not liking a person because you're not a fan of the colour of their car. It's moronic. Plain and simple.

Do races have different tendencies and physical attributes? Sometimes. Can we size people up simply by looking at them? God no. For anyone to assume anything about another person just because you've seen the colour of their skin is simply dumb. How can we lump people together by colour when there are seven billion of us on the planet? It's impossible. A person is the way they are (mentally and physically) partially because of the genes, DNA and everything else they were born with. What also play factors are the experiences they have in life, the people who surround them and so much more.

I'm just sick and tired of hearing complaints about race, sexuality, gender etc. from people who are ignorant. If you are out there, reading this and disagreeing with me, please feel free to post a comment and give me a logical reason why I am wrong.

In the end, people find it easier to stay stuck in their ways and never open their heads to how the world really works. Here's a hint: of the seven billion people walking the earth, the majority are not Caucasian. The idea of "white power" all of a sudden doesn't seem too impressive, does it?

Oil and common sense do mix

Living in Alberta, I get my fair share of opinions on the oilsands/tarsands thrown my way whether I like it or not. There are so many different sides and arguments for and against oil; I think we're getting away from the important matters. Rhetoric and BS claims are the way of the world lately - why use facts when you can slander someone, call them a liar, or use the classic "with us or against us" defence to deflect logic out the window and feed on people's fears.

With that, here are a few of my thoughts on oil as a whole. I like to think I'm using common sense in these points, but I welcome your feedback.

#1- Oil = Bad
The world runs on oil. Period.
The likelihood of the entire planet all of a sudden halting use of oil all of a sudden is ridiculous. With that being said, society is WAY too dependent on this stuff. You can talk about the cost of oil rising, how hard and expensive it is to explore for new deposits, environmental fallout, the political issues surrounding it or any other problem oil and our dependence create, but the bottom line is this: the only people who benefit from the world being dependent on oil are oil companies. We throw around that "all eggs in one basket" saying all the time, and yes, it also applies to oil. When major car companies (BMW, Fisker, Nissan etc.) are putting huge money into R+D on electric cars, that should probably be a sign for society. When big business is trying to get away from oil, maybe we should take note. FYI gas/petrol isn't getting any cheaper.

It's not about shutting down the oilsands tomorrow and putting thousands of people out of work. It's about having a sustainable and well thought out plan for the oilsands. We plan as far in advance as possible for most major projects (infrastructure, health care, capital project procurement etc.) why on earth would this massive of a project be any different? Just under two years ago I was writing a story on the oilsands development and at the time there was no plan, framework or anything else to be spoken of. Weird.

#2- It comes from Canada, then what?

For those who don't know this already - the only country Canada currently exports oil to in any sort of a mass quantity is the U.S. Small, minute amounts are shipped overseas, but the last I checked that amount was so small that it's not even worth mentioning. So, again, all our eggs in one basket. We're dependent on the U.S. for oil sales, and as much as there is talk about building a pipeline to the BC coast to ship oil to Asia, that is a long time away, even with the current plan to speed up the approval process. I'm not saying I'm a fan of the idea, especially from an environmental point of view, but this is the situation we are in. Would we rather be dependent on the U.S. for oil sales or risk environmental disaster on our coasts and/or along the potential Northern Gateway Pipeline? Interesting question.

#3- Pipelines are awesome, right?

Are they? Safety precautions and regulations are great, but pipelines DO break. You don't always hear about the spills or varying sizes, but accidents happen and nothing is perfect. A pipeline feeding to Texas or a pipeline feeding to the BC coast will raise the potential for environmental accidents. We cannot claim "it will never happen" and those who do should have a look at the BP situation off the coasts of Florida and Louisiana.

It should be noted that despite having massive oil reserves in comparison to almost all other countries, Canada's east still purchases oil from foreign nations. That seems odd, doesn't it? Canada has been described by some as an emerging energy super power yet we import oil from other countries. From my understanding small pipelines do exist - connecting the Western Canada to the East - but they clearly can't handle the amount of oil needed. I don't like the idea of a massive oil pipeline going through Canada, nor do I like the idea of buying oil from foreign countries when we have our own. Is this a Catch-22 or another sign that oil is not the be-all and end-all?

As far as a pipeline to the US goes, I would like to point out a couple of things: as it stands bitumen has to be upgraded to become usable oil (I'm not an expert, so please look up the facts before quoting me). Canada upgrades very little of our own oil. The term thrown around is "value added". Why not upgrade the product here, create more jobs and create a product more sought after because the upgrading has already been done? Another good question.

Now, let's say a pipeline to Texas or somewhere else in the southern States  is approved and built. Then what? One of the major reasons so many people in the US want this pipeline built is because so many jobs have been promised around this potential pipeline (known as Keystone XL). A pipeline will certainly create jobs as it is being built, but then they are done. The people being hired to build it will have temporary work then back to the drawing board. These workers aren't going to be paid to look at the pipeline and make sure it doesn't go anywhere. The point of the pipeline is to get oil from one place to another quickly, and once built very few humans are needed. So, yeah, there will be jobs created, but they won't last long and then you're in the same boat. Wouldn't it make more sense to look for a long term solution rather than hoping a pipeline will solve America's problems and to a certain extent, Canada's?

#4 Dirty Oil vs. Ethical Oil

The argument of the oilsands being dirtier than "traditional" forms of oil became very interesting when the argument of Canada's oil being "more ethical" came out. I first heard the theory when Ezra Levant's book was released about it. I refuse to read the book, since I read his previous book, Shakedown, and realized there is no way I could handle such a right-wing-or-nothing attitude.

The argument, in my mind, is moot.  If the question is, Do I use oil from Canada that is dirty and hurts the environment and in turn the people who live in the immediate area, or do I use oil from a country run by a dictator who takes advantage of his people and treats them horribly? The answers is neither. The answer is for society to get our damn act together and work on problems together rather than playing the "I'm not as bad as them" game.

In short, oil is going to be here for a while to come, but that doesn't mean we should be accepting the status quo. As a society we have to grow up, develop safer and more efficient ways to use/mine/drill for oil and most importantly realize that oil is not god's gift to energy and look toward the future without dollar signs in our eyeballs.

Odd duck...

After months of my inner thoughts building up, I've decided it is high time I get my butt posting novelty blog posts again in an attempt to clear the back-log of seemingly ridiculous ideas that pass through my head on an hourly basis. And what have I come up with?

I am one odd dude.

The more I think about it, the more I realize that I am one of a kind - for better of for worse. Maybe I am not the only one; maybe we are all unique individuals with quirky thoughts and ridiculous notions. Maybe, just maybe, I'm normal and don't realize it because everyone is as twisted as myself. That isn't a theory, just wishful thinking.

So, as much as I like to think of myself as a pretty "stable" individual, the little truth monitor inside me realizes that isn't the case. Here are a few examples:

- I honestly think Grilled Cheese Sandwiches taste better when cut into triangles.
- If someone tells me a story or anecdote more than once in a lifetime I make a note of it, because I tend to notice repetition and think of "new ways" to react.
- On that same note, I will often use the same word multiple times in a day because I can't control myself. "Absolutely" is the current serial word I can't shake.
- I rarely, if ever, drink milk.
- I generally sleep beside a 90 lb Rottweiler and that, for me, is normal.
- Would rather clean a bathroom than do the dishes.
- I am fascinated by the light bulb in my dining room - It should have burned out months ago yet it is still going strong. I may send it to a lab for testing.
- I'm pretty sure aliens are real, yet I have zero interest in meeting one.
- I'm pretty sure ghosts are real, yet I have zero interest meeting one.
- I'm pretty sure Donal Trump is real, yet I have zero interest meeting one.
- I am confused by everyone's love affair with Ellen and her dancing.
- Nothing bothers me more than a person asking a question, then ignoring the answer.
- For a reason yet to be discovered, I find myself singing along with pop songs but using French words - my French isn't good and those words rarely fit the tempo.
- If you don't "get" a Simpsons quote, in my mind there is something wrong with you.

And that just scratches the surface. So, tell me, am I the odd duck or are you?

Have we truly remembered?

It's Remembrance Day in Canada and Millions of people are recognizing the sacrifices made by soldiers throughout the 20th Century in order to keep Canada and the rest of the world free. This I very much respect. I had two grandfathers in WWII, one was shot in the shoulder and the other's convoy was torpedoed. Again, I respect the military personnel who selflessly gave their lives for these pure ideals.

Now, I have a question for everyone: What exactly are you remembering? This isn't an attempt to shoot down Remembrance Day, I simply want people to think long and hard about "remembering". It's easy to throw on a Poppy and say you respect the memory of fallen soldiers. But what have we all, collectively, remembered and put into action?

Lest We Forget is the motto used for this sombre day. Well folks, let's not just say the words for 24 hours then go back to normal life. The fact is wars are happening right now- Canada is involved in them. It could be argued that we all have forgotten just how horrible war is. How can we all preach about remembering, then completely ignore the conflicts that are happening around the globe everyday?

As I write this there are tensions throughout the middle-east, parts of Asia, and we only recently pulled out of Afghanistan. War mongering happens all-the-time, especially by politicians who want to win votes. It's incredibly easy for politicians to say "stand behind our soldiers", but it's a lot harder for them to actually do something about conflicts and wars throughout the globe.

If we want to truly honour the memory of fallen soldiers, we should be trying to stop wars and conflicts. We are an advanced society that is supposed to be above fighting and needless death, yet we allow it to happen on a daily basis.

Me, you and every one of us should be trying to honour our fallen warriors by trying to make sure our own kids will never have to go to war. Remembrance Day is important, but don't for a second think that throwing a few coins in a Poppy donation box is going to stop war.

If we truly want to Remember, let's learn from the past and put an end to war altogether. That is the only way to truly respect the memory of people who died for their country and the free world. Let's put an end to war, an end to political games and focus on making our world better. We can always get better and stopping conflicts and needless death and fighting is a good start to moving forward as a society and learning  from the wars of the past.

If we don't learn from history, we will repeat it. What have we learned?

History or entertainment? Why not both?

I'm trying to figure out why year-in and year-out we hear/see/read in the media that Canadians do not know enough about history. Not even just our own history, but history as a whole. Yes, people say history is boring, and as much as I disagree with that, I'm going to move on and point out that history makes up a HUGE amount of what North Americans consume on television.

Think, for a second, about the sheer amount of history related shows that make up the mainstream. Forget Antique Travelling Raod Show (although considering how dull it was, it made a hell of a name for itself), I'm talking about trashy pop-culture shows that I admit to loving. Pawn Stars, American Pickers, Canadian Pickers, Auction Kings, Auction Hunters, Storage Hunters, Storage Wars... see where I'm going with this? These shows are all over our tv screens and as much as their is a buying/selling aspect, the only reason the things being sold  on these shows are worth anything is because they have a significant amount of history behind them.

In one episode of Pawn Stars they were haggling over a straight jacket actually worn by Houdini; in another they had a piece of the Apollo 13 capsule the crew returned in. Motor cycles, pottery and everything in between. If it is of interest to you, it is likely being bought and sold on these shows. They have something for everyone and the only down-fall I see is that some of the "characters" are kind of dorks, but at least they are entertaining.

I hate to be the one who says it, but no, we don't know enough about History (Canadian or otherwise) and if it takes these shows to get people a little interested in the days gone by, I am all for it. Plus, Chumlee is hilarious.